clueless.

I’ve loved this movie since I was a kid.  I think I used to be convinced that my life could one day be just like Cher’s, and some days, I just wish it was.   What a life she has…more money than she knows what to do with, no real concerns besides what to wear that day, not to mention a great body and all the shoes a girl could ever want 😉 .  At the same time,  maybe it’s not so ideal, and you couldn’t pay me enough money to go back to high school.

I totally thought I wouldn’t be able to stop writing as soon as I started this blog.  But right now I have so many jumbled thoughts flying around in my head, I don’t exactly know where to begin.

So I guess it’s true in some cases that girls with “daddy issues” usually end up picking a partner who will do all the things that a father figure should.  What does that mean in the opposite case? I would say that in my situation, I have “mommy issues”…but other than wanting someone in my life who wants to take care of me (which I don’t think is asking too much), I don’t think my expectations or needs are anything that demanding or ridiculous.  I almost hate that I’m even talking about this, but I’ve been writing and re-writing, and deleting and re-phrasing too long to go back and start over again.  For almost 2 years now, my friends and family are always saying in one form or another, “don’t worry, be patient, you’ll find someone,” or “don’t go looking for a guy , let him find you.”  After awhile, it’s hard to keep believing Mr. Right is gonna show up when I least expect it.  God, I sound pathetic.  Is it terrible that my greatest fear is ending up alone?  I will be another year older in 3 months, and never pictured my life to be like it is right now, in any way, shape, or form.  Not to say I hate my life, there are some very good things, and for the most part, I’m pretty lucky.  And not to sound like a crazy cat lady, I’m so sick and tired of feeling like I am one.  In reality, a cat is more ideal than a guy in most cases…haha…I mean, she greets me at the door, loves to cuddle and be affectionate, and always knows how to make me smile.  No guy I’ve met is truly capable of that.  Not to say that he doesn’t exist, me being an eternal optimist, but I won’t be getting my hopes up anytime soon.  Blah, blah, blah, here I go, sounding like a miserable man-hater.  I’m just sick of wondering when my chance will come.