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All posts for the month September, 2011

keep on keepin’ on

Published September 27, 2011 by whitey1123

it’s been wayyyyyyy too long since i’ve written here.  i don’t feel like anything’s happened to me lately worth writing about, but i have to say, this week, i’ve been asked so many more times than I normally am about whether or not i’m single, have kids, etc.  and while i’m able to pull off a strong front when i’m put on the spot, i wish i could say i fully believe in my answer….i keep saying that i’ve kinda given up on “looking for that guy”, and that i’m focusing on my career (which i am), and taking care of myself (which i’ve kinda been sucking at), and that it will all just happen when it supposed to happen. and apparently everyone is either agreeing with me to make me feel better about being such a loser, lol, or they legitimately think that’s what i should be doing.  but am i supposed to feel comfortable leaving my entire future up to “fate/destiny”?  i haven’t lost faith in either in general, but maybe it’s too much optimism for my own life.

my brother has shown me up on a lot of things in life…both in college and length of relationships.  i love him dearly, but being that he’s younger than me and has had a long term gf for as long as i can remember just has the ability to make me feel like even more of an epic failure.  although i will say, the issues that he has in that relationship is much, much more than i’d be willing to put up with at this point in my life.

before anyone asks again, yes i’ve attempted online dating.  yes a possibly (at one point) meaningful relationship did come out of it, for a few months, but it didn’t work out for reasons i’d rather not get into.  so on other attempts, where i met complete psychos, who harassed me to no end until they were blocked (online and thru my cell phone provider), called me every name in the book for simply deciding i wasn’t interested, changing their minds minute-to-minute about whether they loved me or hated me (only after having known me for a few weeks), threatening to get me fired from my job, oh, and “made” one of them total their car because they were so angry with me.  i am not sorry, you psychos! and henceforth, i will never again attempt online dating.  you couldn’t pay me to try that shit again.

so then, how the hell am i supposed to meet someone?  apparently online is the way to go, but that’s not happening. and i have so little of an active social life between my 2 jobs that i feel like it’s totally impossible.  but yet i know i’m supposed to be freakin positive.  ugh. i’m aggravated about my optimism right now.

maybe i just need to put what i want out to the universe…so here goes.

i want a MAN! is that so hard?!?!  i fully believe and agree with a statement made to me today…they just don’t make ’em like they used to.  so…here i go, “just keep truckin”-as my grandma always said 😉

stars.

Published September 2, 2011 by whitey1123

i love stars. always have. got a tattoo even. two stars on my right foot. id love more tattoos…but i’m just trying to figure out what it is i want.  i love quotes…so i did a search on quotes about stars tonight…obviously some are just for reading.  but who knows, maybe one day i’ll have it on me forever.  i’m obsessed!

“If I had to tell you how humans made their way to Earth, it would go like this: In the beginning, there was nothing at all but the moon and the sun. And the moon wanted to come out during the day, but there was something so much brighter that seemed to fill up all those hours. The moon grew hungry, thinner and thinner, until she was just a slice of herself, and her tips were as sharp as a knife. By accident, because that is the way most things happen, she poked a hole in the night and out spilled a million stars, like a fountain of tears.

Horrified, the moon tried to swallow them up. And sometimes this worked, because she got fatter and rounder.. But mostly it didn’t, because there were just so many. The stars kept coming, until they made the sky so bright that the sun got jealous. He invited the stars to his side of the world, where it was always bright. What he didn’t tell them, though, was that in the daytime, they’d never be seen. So the stupid ones leaped from the sky to the ground, and they froze under the weight of their own foolishness.

The moon did her best. She carved each of these blocks of sorrow into a man or a woman. She spent the rest of her time watching out so that her other stars wouldn’t fall. She spent the rest of her time holding onto whatever scraps she had left.”
Jodi Picoult (one of my favorite authors ever)

“We are all of us stars, and we deserve to twinkle.”
Marilyn Monroe

“Love is only one fine star away.”
Stevie Nicks

“Moonlight drowns out all but the brightest stars.”
J.R.R. Tolkien

“There wouldn’t be a sky full of stars if we were all meant to wish on the same one.”
Frances Clark

“One thousand brilliant stars punched holes in my consciousness, pricking me with longing. I could stare at the stars for hours, their infinite number and depth pulling me into a part of myself that I ignored during the day.”
Maggie Stiefvater

“The glitter in the sky looks as if I could scoop it all up in my hands and let the stars swirl and touch one another but they are so distant so very far apart that they cannot feel the warmth of each other even though they are made of burning.”
Beth Revis

“He lay on his back in his blankets and looked our where the quartermoon lay cocked over the heel of the mountains. In the false blue dawn the Pleiades seemed to be rising up into the darkness above the world and dragging all the stars away, the great diamond of Orion and Cepella and the signature of Cassiopeia all rising up through the phosphorous dark like a sea-net. He lay a long time listening to the others breathing in their sleep while he contemplated the wildness about him, the wildness within.”
Cormac McCarthy (All the Pretty Horses)

“Stars, everywhere. So many stars that I could not for the life me
understand how the sky could contain them all yet be so black.”
Peter Watts (Blindsight)

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