memories.

ok, maybe this means i’m old, and well, i’m getting there. next year equals 10 years since i graduated high school.  and last week i was hit with a hell of a lot of flashbacks.  one of the first “boyfriends” i ever remember having was aaron, and we met in middle school.  so we “dated” aka occasionally hugged in like 7th or 8th grade.  then for whatever reason, we broke up.  and then went on to this love/hate relationship where we couldn’t even be in the same room together without saying something nasty.  then, shocker, things changed in our senior year of high school.  we got back together.  i wish i could remember the circumstances that got us there, but regardless, it happened.  and we went through a lot of things together. one of the most significant being going off to college still together.  he went to one school, i went to another.  i’m very glad i was able to make that decision for myself and stick to it.  but i can’t lie, it got hard, the fighting started, and basically never stopped from what i remember.  and so yeah, we broke up. i don’t remember anything good about that breakup, but i took it pretty hard.  eventually we both moved on, etc. etc.  and being from the same hometown, obviously we’d see each other (awkward!) around town here and there.  but we literally never talked since breaking up in 2003.

so now, with the magic of the internet, we are all reconnecting with old friends, old flames, family, and then some.  well what do you know…aaron found me on facebook.  now i will admit i stalked his page more than a few times.  i mean, come on, who doesn’t wanna see where their exes ended up?  hoping they look the same or maybe worse, are still living at home with mom, or are still working that same dead-end job at the mall.  yeah, i’m a bitch.  but don’t tell me you haven’t done it.  anyways,  i never had the desire to request aaron as a “friend”, but for some reason, after almost 9 years…he decided i was worthy (not to say i’m not worthy, because i’m awesome, but that’s besides the point).  i admittedly was kind of blown away.  i wasn’t sure how to respond…i mean why me, after all this time? i tend to be a little picky about who gets to be my friend, since i can’t say i’d want every single person i know or don’t know to have access to me and my life.  but, after some contemplation, i accepted. i was gonna send a note along too, but i figured since he initiated the friend request, he can initiate the conversation.  so within a few days he had sent me a couple messages including his number, and that he wanted to hang out, catch up.  and ever since then i’ve been remembering so many random things about growing up, being with him, his family, places we went, things we did.  we were actually supposed to get together tonight, but something came up, so i guess we’re gonna hang out next week.  i feel like i have to remind him of a few hilarious things that my family and i still talk about to this day…although maybe he wouldn’t appreciate that very much. idk, i guess we’ll see if it comes up in conversation.  i know i’ll definitely be asking what made him wanna get in touch.  my gut is telling me there’s an actual reason…and my gut is pretty much always right on.

everyone i work with is convinced this is it for me, that he’s the one i’m meant to be with and i’ll live happily ever after, blah blah blah.  i am otherwise not convinced. or i at least refuse to put that pressure on a so far nonexistent relationship.  i refuse to be that kind of girl. besides, i am still living my life and plan to continue to do so, whether or not a guy comes around.  all in due time. i’m definitely not in a rush to get out of being single, no matter what my friend brian says.  i am not so desperate that i have to have a boyfriend, sure it would be nice, i mean, who doesn’t want to be wanted.  but i will have a harder time giving up time to myself, shopping/running meaningless errands for myself, watching my dvr, and worrying about my own schedule and my own life.  maybe that makes me selfish, but i think i deserve to enjoy a little selfishness for all my selflessness.