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december.

Published December 1, 2011 by whitey1123

ugh. how is it december already?  cray-cray!

so my birthday was definitely enjoyable…and countdown worthy, of course.  i started off the celebrating early with full pedicure with my mom and little sis, then went with my dad to our local university’s bball game… GO SU!  and then came breaking dawn night…went to the midnight show and had lots of fun.  meanwhile…my boss at work had been giving me shit about my countdown so we were having a war of writing on each other’s mirrors at our stations, all of which came down to my boss writing happy birthday in permanent marker on my mirror.  lol.  she was soooo mad and was so trying to get me back, when really, it just made her make a big deal about my birthday like i had intended 😉  BAM!

proceeded to celebrate my birthday at the bar with everyone who was able and willing to show up…so free drinks + chugging from a free bottle of champagne all night = a happy drunk girl gallavanting around our local grocery store around 3 am looking for food etc.  i came home with a sandwich, dill pickle potato chips, a bag of bugles, birthday napkins that i insisted i had to have, and a breaking dawn magazine for whatever reason. paying for these items was clearly hilarious, as i dropped my money all over the floor, and getting myself back into the car was apparently a challenge. i slept great that night lol.  everyone sang happy birthday to me on thanksgiving, so obviously i loved every second.  my family knows me all too well.

i then proceeed to work about 13 hours straight through black friday, which i definitely wasn’t well rested enough for, but oh well.  celebrated again a few days later at my mom’s with another thanksgiving dinner…which i have been eating all week since it’s my favorite meal everrrrrr.

my mom of course had to make some comments though, which have kinda been stuck in my head.  so she apparently has a friend who’s a psychic of some kind, or has visions, or whatever.  idk how much i even buy into that stuff, but whatever, that’s her thing.  so this lady is insisting that i’m gonna meet this guy with sandy blonde/brown hair (omg how cliche sounding) and he apparently will have a little meat on his bones (which is my mom’s nice way of saying he’s fat or overweight or whatever) and that i have to be out dancing somewhere to meet him.  so i see her on thanksgiving, and she says, word for word “so obviously you didn’t mean any guys last night on your birthday” and i look at her like, wow, mom i didn’t know my sole goal in life is to be a slut.  she then said i was supposed to be dancing on top of the tables.  and i was like, um, im sorry im not a prostitute mom, oh and good thing im hardly tall enough to reach the bar tables, let alone climb up on them.  i was just like, is she for real? did she just say that? last time i checked i was celebrating me, not me having to meet some dude.  it was my freaking birthday, not date conquesting. so yeah, apparently to my mom, im doing it wrong.

which makes me think i must be doing it right.

i am not living my life to meet a guy, im so tired of feeling so freakin obligated to be in a relationship.  how is that at all enjoyable or desirable?  what a joke. god, for whatever guy that does come my way, i’ll just apologize in advance for being a psychotic bitch.  thanks mom!

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countdown!

Published November 14, 2011 by whitey1123

if anyone ever wanted to know what my favorite holiday is, you could ask all my friends and family, and they’d all give you the same answer.  my birthday, of course! now before you groan in disgust, my birthday, does on occasion, fall on thanksgiving. so technically, yes, it can be a holiday in the most literal sense.  but as far as i’m concerned, my birthday is the best day of the year.  not to say that i’ve never had bad birthdays, because i have.  but why not make the most out of the one day that only im “important.”  growing up the oldest of 4 kids, everyone else in my family got the attention, positive and negative.  so for whatever reason, i decided to make the most out of my birthday for myself.  selfish? maybe.  childish? maybe.  but it’s my birthday, and i’ll do what i want to 😛  so for as long as i can remember, i count down to my birthday, once it’s 30 days away.  and thanks to facebook, yes, i am that annoying daily status changer for those 30 days, making sure everyone who wants to know, knows.  most people i talk to think it’s a little crazy, but maybe i am too.

i guess i just don’t see the point in dreading your birthday…why not take advantage of the celebrating?  and speaking of celebrating, i go all out, planning some sort of party/dinner/barhopping and invite everyone i know.  and i drag all the celebrating out as far as i can. i typically get to celebrate my day for a good week, at least, if not more. in fact, the celebrating started saturday night, when my mom treated me to a pedicure.  and yes, i was the girl walking around with the birthday tiara.  why? because i freakin’ can!  i now have a g rated tiara, which i can wear to work etc, and then i have my pg or maybe pg13? rated tiara that says birthday bitch.  one of the best presents i got last year 😉

so as of right now…9 days till my birthdayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!! 😀

ohmygammit.

Published October 22, 2011 by whitey1123

my little sister introduced me to a new show on nickelodeon.  yeah, you heard me, i’m watching nickelodeon.  and no, it’s not nick at nite with all the great shows from the 90’s. his name is fred. and he’s awesomely stupid and amazingly hilarious.  it’s totally pathetic. john cena guest stars which makes it pretty ridiculous also.  and the fact that i am spending my saturday night watching bazillions of toy commercials.  usually the channels i watch don’t have this much bright, loud, and/or obnoxious animation.  does it mean im old if i have to turn down the volume when they come on? lol…

 

questionable.

Published October 17, 2011 by whitey1123

so this is just an update…the ex has now cancelled plans with me twice in a row.  and without much notice.  i am not impressed, and i am sure as hell not going out of my way to attempt to make more plans.  ugh. yet another reason why i have little to no faith in the male race,  and why i continue to not bother with them as a whole unless they bother me.  to top it all off, he started flirt-texting me last night.  like seriously? and let’s just talk about the excuses used….#1, he hurt his leg at the gym, and #2, work, which could very well be legit, but not very believable after excuse #1.  oh and the best part? for someone who supposedly wants to “catch up, etc” he picked a super shady, dingy, sketchy, loud, noisy, packed bar….how exactly do you go about catching up in a busy bar on a saturday night?  therefore, his intentions are super questionable at this point.  so….douchebag, or not a douchebag? that is the question.

memories.

Published October 15, 2011 by whitey1123

ok, maybe this means i’m old, and well, i’m getting there. next year equals 10 years since i graduated high school.  and last week i was hit with a hell of a lot of flashbacks.  one of the first “boyfriends” i ever remember having was aaron, and we met in middle school.  so we “dated” aka occasionally hugged in like 7th or 8th grade.  then for whatever reason, we broke up.  and then went on to this love/hate relationship where we couldn’t even be in the same room together without saying something nasty.  then, shocker, things changed in our senior year of high school.  we got back together.  i wish i could remember the circumstances that got us there, but regardless, it happened.  and we went through a lot of things together. one of the most significant being going off to college still together.  he went to one school, i went to another.  i’m very glad i was able to make that decision for myself and stick to it.  but i can’t lie, it got hard, the fighting started, and basically never stopped from what i remember.  and so yeah, we broke up. i don’t remember anything good about that breakup, but i took it pretty hard.  eventually we both moved on, etc. etc.  and being from the same hometown, obviously we’d see each other (awkward!) around town here and there.  but we literally never talked since breaking up in 2003.

so now, with the magic of the internet, we are all reconnecting with old friends, old flames, family, and then some.  well what do you know…aaron found me on facebook.  now i will admit i stalked his page more than a few times.  i mean, come on, who doesn’t wanna see where their exes ended up?  hoping they look the same or maybe worse, are still living at home with mom, or are still working that same dead-end job at the mall.  yeah, i’m a bitch.  but don’t tell me you haven’t done it.  anyways,  i never had the desire to request aaron as a “friend”, but for some reason, after almost 9 years…he decided i was worthy (not to say i’m not worthy, because i’m awesome, but that’s besides the point).  i admittedly was kind of blown away.  i wasn’t sure how to respond…i mean why me, after all this time? i tend to be a little picky about who gets to be my friend, since i can’t say i’d want every single person i know or don’t know to have access to me and my life.  but, after some contemplation, i accepted. i was gonna send a note along too, but i figured since he initiated the friend request, he can initiate the conversation.  so within a few days he had sent me a couple messages including his number, and that he wanted to hang out, catch up.  and ever since then i’ve been remembering so many random things about growing up, being with him, his family, places we went, things we did.  we were actually supposed to get together tonight, but something came up, so i guess we’re gonna hang out next week.  i feel like i have to remind him of a few hilarious things that my family and i still talk about to this day…although maybe he wouldn’t appreciate that very much. idk, i guess we’ll see if it comes up in conversation.  i know i’ll definitely be asking what made him wanna get in touch.  my gut is telling me there’s an actual reason…and my gut is pretty much always right on.

everyone i work with is convinced this is it for me, that he’s the one i’m meant to be with and i’ll live happily ever after, blah blah blah.  i am otherwise not convinced. or i at least refuse to put that pressure on a so far nonexistent relationship.  i refuse to be that kind of girl. besides, i am still living my life and plan to continue to do so, whether or not a guy comes around.  all in due time. i’m definitely not in a rush to get out of being single, no matter what my friend brian says.  i am not so desperate that i have to have a boyfriend, sure it would be nice, i mean, who doesn’t want to be wanted.  but i will have a harder time giving up time to myself, shopping/running meaningless errands for myself, watching my dvr, and worrying about my own schedule and my own life.  maybe that makes me selfish, but i think i deserve to enjoy a little selfishness for all my selflessness.

keep on keepin’ on

Published September 27, 2011 by whitey1123

it’s been wayyyyyyy too long since i’ve written here.  i don’t feel like anything’s happened to me lately worth writing about, but i have to say, this week, i’ve been asked so many more times than I normally am about whether or not i’m single, have kids, etc.  and while i’m able to pull off a strong front when i’m put on the spot, i wish i could say i fully believe in my answer….i keep saying that i’ve kinda given up on “looking for that guy”, and that i’m focusing on my career (which i am), and taking care of myself (which i’ve kinda been sucking at), and that it will all just happen when it supposed to happen. and apparently everyone is either agreeing with me to make me feel better about being such a loser, lol, or they legitimately think that’s what i should be doing.  but am i supposed to feel comfortable leaving my entire future up to “fate/destiny”?  i haven’t lost faith in either in general, but maybe it’s too much optimism for my own life.

my brother has shown me up on a lot of things in life…both in college and length of relationships.  i love him dearly, but being that he’s younger than me and has had a long term gf for as long as i can remember just has the ability to make me feel like even more of an epic failure.  although i will say, the issues that he has in that relationship is much, much more than i’d be willing to put up with at this point in my life.

before anyone asks again, yes i’ve attempted online dating.  yes a possibly (at one point) meaningful relationship did come out of it, for a few months, but it didn’t work out for reasons i’d rather not get into.  so on other attempts, where i met complete psychos, who harassed me to no end until they were blocked (online and thru my cell phone provider), called me every name in the book for simply deciding i wasn’t interested, changing their minds minute-to-minute about whether they loved me or hated me (only after having known me for a few weeks), threatening to get me fired from my job, oh, and “made” one of them total their car because they were so angry with me.  i am not sorry, you psychos! and henceforth, i will never again attempt online dating.  you couldn’t pay me to try that shit again.

so then, how the hell am i supposed to meet someone?  apparently online is the way to go, but that’s not happening. and i have so little of an active social life between my 2 jobs that i feel like it’s totally impossible.  but yet i know i’m supposed to be freakin positive.  ugh. i’m aggravated about my optimism right now.

maybe i just need to put what i want out to the universe…so here goes.

i want a MAN! is that so hard?!?!  i fully believe and agree with a statement made to me today…they just don’t make ’em like they used to.  so…here i go, “just keep truckin”-as my grandma always said 😉

stars.

Published September 2, 2011 by whitey1123

i love stars. always have. got a tattoo even. two stars on my right foot. id love more tattoos…but i’m just trying to figure out what it is i want.  i love quotes…so i did a search on quotes about stars tonight…obviously some are just for reading.  but who knows, maybe one day i’ll have it on me forever.  i’m obsessed!

“If I had to tell you how humans made their way to Earth, it would go like this: In the beginning, there was nothing at all but the moon and the sun. And the moon wanted to come out during the day, but there was something so much brighter that seemed to fill up all those hours. The moon grew hungry, thinner and thinner, until she was just a slice of herself, and her tips were as sharp as a knife. By accident, because that is the way most things happen, she poked a hole in the night and out spilled a million stars, like a fountain of tears.

Horrified, the moon tried to swallow them up. And sometimes this worked, because she got fatter and rounder.. But mostly it didn’t, because there were just so many. The stars kept coming, until they made the sky so bright that the sun got jealous. He invited the stars to his side of the world, where it was always bright. What he didn’t tell them, though, was that in the daytime, they’d never be seen. So the stupid ones leaped from the sky to the ground, and they froze under the weight of their own foolishness.

The moon did her best. She carved each of these blocks of sorrow into a man or a woman. She spent the rest of her time watching out so that her other stars wouldn’t fall. She spent the rest of her time holding onto whatever scraps she had left.”
Jodi Picoult (one of my favorite authors ever)

“We are all of us stars, and we deserve to twinkle.”
Marilyn Monroe

“Love is only one fine star away.”
Stevie Nicks

“Moonlight drowns out all but the brightest stars.”
J.R.R. Tolkien

“There wouldn’t be a sky full of stars if we were all meant to wish on the same one.”
Frances Clark

“One thousand brilliant stars punched holes in my consciousness, pricking me with longing. I could stare at the stars for hours, their infinite number and depth pulling me into a part of myself that I ignored during the day.”
Maggie Stiefvater

“The glitter in the sky looks as if I could scoop it all up in my hands and let the stars swirl and touch one another but they are so distant so very far apart that they cannot feel the warmth of each other even though they are made of burning.”
Beth Revis

“He lay on his back in his blankets and looked our where the quartermoon lay cocked over the heel of the mountains. In the false blue dawn the Pleiades seemed to be rising up into the darkness above the world and dragging all the stars away, the great diamond of Orion and Cepella and the signature of Cassiopeia all rising up through the phosphorous dark like a sea-net. He lay a long time listening to the others breathing in their sleep while he contemplated the wildness about him, the wildness within.”
Cormac McCarthy (All the Pretty Horses)

“Stars, everywhere. So many stars that I could not for the life me
understand how the sky could contain them all yet be so black.”
Peter Watts (Blindsight)

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